Raging Rants

You are doing whatever passes for being productive in your job. Out your peripheral vision you see your boss, Pat, on a path to your workplace. Your apprehension is confirmed when Pat starts yelling, “Why didn’t you copy me on this?”

It’s too late to escape, and Pat is your supervisor so fighting is off the table. Instead, you freeze. You stand immobile while your whole world narrows to Pat’s outraged, spittle spewing, bright red face with bulging eyes. Worse yet, the whole room gets quiet as your colleagues reach for their phones, hoping to livestream Pat having a stroke. You don’t have a clue what this is about, and Pat’s tirade isn’t clearing things up. 

We’ve all had people go off on us. It might be a customer, spouse or roommate but the feeling is the same, you are under attack and can only guess at the reason. So, the first thing to do is not guess. Guessing is only going to make it worse because right now, most of your guesses are going to center on bad things and you end up catastrophizing.

Instead of deciding to quit on the spot, take a deep breath and slow down.

First, calmly describe the situation. “You are catching me by surprise, Pat. I can see you’re upset.”

Second, suggest a constructive first step. “Let’s start over.”

Third, establish yourself as helping. “Can we work to fix this?”

You can’t change a Pat or alter the past, but you can control yourself in the present. Use the time Pat wastes venting to consider your next steps. Then, figure out what the issue is and start doing what you can you do fix it and prevent it from recurring. You can work on that, even if Pat doesn’t thank you.