5 Ways to Keep Peace for the Holidays
Leave baggage behind and enjoy the day.
You are gathering to create today’s joy, not reenact a civil war battle. Don’t assume every past uncomfortable moment will occur at your event. Thinking like that will be so uptight you’ll be the one starting the first argument. Spend time thinking about how you would like to remember this event and of what you can do beforehand and during the gathering to make that happen.
Maintain consistent boundaries.
If there are topics or behaviors that are out of bounds, let people know in advance. Definitely do not do this on the fly during the event -- you will sow chaos and confuse people. Post “A Happy Holiday Recipe” with your three to five house rules in a prominent spot. Share them before the event and ask arriving guests if they can help you serve up the recipe for a good time.
“You know, when we have a lot of people over, following this happy holiday recipe just cooks up more fun!”
“I know your five dogs are like family, Robert, but I can’t let them come and say and no to everyone else!”
Be gracious.
Not everyone does well controlling impulsive behavior. Steer missteps back to a topic within bounds. Extend kindness and offer a face-saving way out. Forget about providing people what they deserve and consider that not all gifts you offer need to be wrapped -- they can be peace promoting gestures as well.
“I can see how passionate you are about this topic, Clara, but it’s not something we are going to solve today. We can get this meal finished. Can you help me with the roast?”
“You know, Robert, I can tell from the last 45 minutes that you really are knowledgeable about the tire business, but I’d like to hear what Trish has been up to.”
Do communicate, don’t convince.
People can have different perspectives without a need for one to be “right”. People can have a discussion without having an argument. Talk to a few guests with some diplomatic savvy and ask them to help defuse potential fights.
“Uncle Carl and Aunt Jill, you have differing thoughts on taxes. I’d like to hear more from both of you sometime when we are not all partying together.”
“I guess I never sat down and heard you out on the need for building new schools, Susan. We do see things differently but I appreciate how we could talk about this without having to decide who’s right.”
Make it about the moment.
If the first thing is to leave the past behind, then let’s close by using the present to create new memories. There are so many positives about being together. Focus on those and model that spirit.
“I’d like to offer a toast to friends and family, past, present and to come.”
“Remember when…”
“If there was one thing I want to remember about today, it is…”