Resilience

I walked out my back door and was surprised to find our yard rutted by a large piece of excavation equipment. Lot lines on our pie shaped lot had confused the contractor building a house next door. I was annoyed and was ready to convey that to the contractor who messed up our lawn. However, he wasn’t trying to make me mad, it was just an error. Errors, like my initial annoyance, are part of being human.

Being annoyed is an involuntary reaction to being surprised. It is part of our fight, flight, or freeze system. Big surprises – being hit by a car running a red light – amp up that reaction to terror rage or paralysis. We can’t stop these reactions, but we can get past them, and choose our response.

I could have stoked my annoyance into anger – after all it is my yard, and someone parked a giant sandbox toy in it. But to what end? I can just let it go or can succumb to being angry, holding grudges or reciting grievances. But that’s like scratching an itch until it bleeds and complaining when we have a scar.

Resilience is regulating our emotions so we can own our actions and choose our response. It is saying, “I choose to do this,” and not buy into the myth that we are forced to do something we do not want to take responsibility for. Being resilient is a life skill that controls your emotions, accepts errors without blame and extends grace to forgive ourselves and others.

As I suspected, there was confusion on the lot lines. The affected area will be regraded when the job is finished. Not having a grudge to hold frees my hands to connect with my new neighbors in healthy relationships.